Fanboy Fairy Tale: Three Little Pigs
by EmmaLennyEddie
Summary: The boys build houses of their own and put up with the test of interacting with a hungry bully.


A/N: This is another one of my twisted Fanboy Fairy Tales. I always wanted to make a series of them, but after I wrote the first one over a year ago, I just…kinda…stopped, because I couldn't think of a good idea. Then, a little while ago, this idea suddenly hit me. The three little pigs! The big bad wolf! Eee! It was perfect. =) So, I hope you like my warped version of classic fairy tales with the gang. ^_^ They're one of my more lighter works, at least…o_O

* * *

Once upon a time there were three little boys named Fanboy, Chum chum, and Kyle. Now, the winters in their native land of Galaxy Hills were cruel and long, so after much deliberation, they all decided to build their own houses to live in until the weather broke.

The first boy, Chum chum, was very poor, so he didn't have a lot of money to get materials for his house. So, we went out into the Galaxy Hills cow pasture and picked a large amount of hay and built his house with that. It took a little bit of his hard earned time, but this was more important than video games. After he was finished, he stared at his run-down abode lovingly and walked inside.

"This is the best house ever!" he exclaimed, shutting the lovingly made crooked grass door behind him. "I'll be safe from everything now!"

However, the second little boy, Kyle, walked past Chum chum's house and started to laugh.

"Oh my elf, that house is incredibly pathetic!" he cried, plucking a blade of grass from the roof, causing the entire thing to cave in. "I suppose, no, I KNOW I could do much better then that!"

"HEY!" Chum chum cried, spitting grass out of his mouth as Kyle walked off, plans already forming in his mind about what type of house to build. Chum chum grumbled something about 'wizards in the low IQ's' and walked out the door, slamming it behind him and causing the rest of the building to fall down.

"OH COME ON!" he yelled, staring back at it. "Now I'm going to have to start from scratch!"

* * *

Meanwhile, Kyle was a man with a plan. He had quite a bit more money then Chum chum, so he headed on down to the forest to hire a logger to cut him down some wood. After obtaining the desired materials, he built his house (without nails, of course, because he's not allowed to use nails!). Afterwards, he stared at its wobbly form with fondness and walked inside, shutting and latching the door behind him.

"Now this is the best house ever!" he cried, looking all around him at the fragile framework. "I bet I can even kick it and it won't fall down!"

To prove his point, he does so, but of course, the wall collapses, sending most of the house down with it. The third boy, Fanboy, laughed as he walked by.

"Guess you're going to have to make a new house!" he chuckled gleefully, while Kyle fumed, picking up the pieces of his broken house.

"Shut up!" Kyle retorted, throwing a stick at him. "My house will be better then anything of yours!"

"Woah!" Fanboy cried, ducking the projectile launched at him. He stood back up and met his gaze, smirking.

"Just you wait and see until I have my house done! It'll be more better then anything!" Fanboy walked off, smugly, until Kyle called after him.

"You stupid moron, it's not 'more better', it's just 'better'!" he shouted, wiping the smirk off the overly confident boy's face.

"No one asked you, Kyle!" Fanboy retorted as he stalked off, looking for the person he would need to talk to get his materials.

* * *

Now, the third little boy, whom we now know as Fanboy, had a very good idea. He knew that since he had more money then any of the other kids he knew combined, and because he had a higher grade in woodshop class then any of the other kids he knew combined, he could make the best house ever.

He contacted a bricklayer on his personal cell phone, and had the man build him a beautiful, well-furnished brick house, complete with Jacuzzi and swimming pool. When it was complete, he walked inside and kicked the wall, the same smile that had been on his face when he was talking to Kyle on his face now.

"Doesn't fall," he said, satisfied when the bricks didn't budge. "Yay! My house can stand up to anything!" Little did he know that his house was going to be put up to the test.

Boog was hungry. Boog was starving. Boog was absolutely ravenous. His stomach rumbled as he pounded around Galaxy Hills, trying to find something to eat.

"Mahn, this is seriously lame," he moaned, rubbing his aching stomach while leaning against a tree to rest. "All ah want is just one bag of Burritos. Just one! Then, ah can be happah."

He started to walk again, unknowingly going in the direction of the Galaxy Hills cow field, where Chum chum had finally rebuilt his shabby grass shack. When Boog caught sight of it, his eyes lit up with glee.

"A house!" he cried, starting to run as fast as his pudgy little legs would carry him towards it. "That's a house over there and that must mean…food for me!"

After about five minutes, the porky bully finally made his way to Chum chum's door. He looked in through the "window", which was really just a hole in the grass house, to see if anything was there, and lo and behold, a bag of uncooked burritos was sitting on the floor! Boog started to drool and, panting, he called into the house.

"Dweeb …Dweeb …please…*pant*…let me in…" he gasped, trying to get in enough air. A small voice came from behind the door.

"Not by the hair of my chinny chin-chin!" Chum chum replied. Boog blinked.

"…Ay! You don't even have facial hair yet, dweeb!" he replied, and then straightened up suddenly. "But, that's no matter…because if you don't open this door ah'm going to strain…and strain…and BOP your house down!" Chum chum's eyes widened in fear at this prospect, but still held his ground.

"No way are you getting in here!" Chum chum called out boldly. "This food is my food, you jerk!"

Now, Boog was getting a little bit irritated by all the insults Chum chum was throwing, so he strained…and strained…and with his giant fist, BOPPED the house down! Chum chum saw what was happening and tried to escape, but alas, the poor little lad was caught in the god-awful fumes of Boog's breath and was suffocated.

His house collapsed on top of him, giving the poor child a burial for once in his ever-ending life. Boog chuckled and pulled the bag of burritos out of the rubble, opening them and shoving them down his throat ravenously, finishing them before he had even gotten out of sight of the hapless child's house. His stomach still rumbled and raged, demanding to be fed.

"Shoot, stomach, ah just fed you, seriouslah…" He muttered various obscenities under his breath as he looked for another house he could loot, since the attack on Chum chum had been so successful.

Luckily for him, he soon came upon the stick house of Kyle, who was sitting inside, trying to make a TV out of the above-mentioned material. Boog ran over to the house, his stomach grumbling louder and louder with each passing second. He arrived at the door out of breath, and knocked.

"Nerd…you know you wanna let me in…" he wheezed, holding his sides. Kyle looked through one of the chinks in his poorly made house and shook his head.

"Not by the hair of my chinny chin-chin!" he exclaimed. Boog scratched his head.

"Why are you all saying that?" he cried. "You don't have any facial hair yet!" He straightened himself out, his fist facing the door. "But, it all doesn't matter, because if you don't open the goddang door right now, ah'm going to strain…and strain…and BOP your house down!"

Now, since Kyle was far less courageous then Chum chum (and he was far more educated, as well; Everyone knows that fumes from Boog's breath can kill anyone within a four-mile radius on a good day) he shrugged and broke through the back of his house, making a run for it towards Fanboy's house.

Boog, being the dumb retard that he is, continued straining until he BOPPED and the house blew down, revealing nothing inside but a tiny little butterscotch piece. Scowling, he shoved the candy in his mouth and then stomped off towards where Kyle had ran, sucking greedily on it's sweetness. His stomach, not satisfied by this tiny trifle, still rumbled and growled, putting up more of a fuss then it ever had before. He clutched it, moaning, as he spied the large brick house in the distance.

"Ah should have known that would be the other dweeb's house!" he cried, picking up the pace. "Stupid…controlling the country with their…you know…stuff…" He rambled stupidly.

He marched over to the house and banged on the door with one hand, clutching his jello-mold stomach with the other.

"Hey …let me in! Ah need food…ah'm gonna die hyar…" he gasped, in a mock attempt to sound pitiful. Fanboy and Kyle both peeped through the mail flap and stared at him.

"Not by the hair of our chinny chin-chins!" they both stated after a few seconds of staring. Boog scowled and leaned his weight against the door, angrier then ever at being denied food.

"Well, fahn! That's fahn! Cause, ah'm going to strain…and strain…and BOP your house down!" he snapped back. Fanboy closed the mail flap and laughed.

"Sure. You try that!" he called back. Kyle sighed in relief as he turned towards his friend.

"Well now, I'm sure glad that you were actually smart enough to build your house the correct way!" he said. Fanboy smirked.

"Well, I always knew I had more intelligence then the rest of you," he replied, not at all modestly. "I just wonder what happened to that poor …Chum chum …" Kyle shrugged.

"Beats the elf out of me," he said. "All I know is that there is one pissed off bully outside…"

HEY! COME ON, SERIOUSLY! *pant, pant* Aw man, this is LLLLAAAAAAAAMMMMEE!…"

Fanboy and Kyle grinned and walked into the kitchen, where they had roast goose and stuffing, and lived happily ever after.

THE END…OR IS IT?

Nope. It is. =P

* * *

David Hornbsy threw the script in the garbage.

"Okay, whoever wrote that story has some mental issues."

Nika Futterman, Josh Duhamel, Jamie Kennedy, and Jeff Bennet all nodded in agreement. They had all gotten sick of the pointless fairy tales being sent to them. It was a disgrace.

"The characters in the story are so O.O.C.!' Nika cried.

"Yeah," Jeff Bennet said angrily. "That chick made my character looks like he had no moral values!"

All the other voice actors looked at each other. "Um, hate to break it to ya Jeff," Josh said, "But Boog is actually one of the most hated characters in the show."

Jeff jumped up from his chair, 'Wait, WHAT?" He yelled in disbelief.

Jamie nodded. "Yeah, I guess it's because so many of the fangirls love Kyle. And Boog beat Kyle up in one of the episodes, remember?"

Jeff sputtered, "S-so, that is just one character!"

David then spoke up. "Yeah, but Fanboy is the second most popular character in the show. And Boog practically murders him whenever they interact in an episode."

"Whatever."


End file.
